A kingdom perspective

We homeschool.  Have I ever mentioned that? Yes?  Well, today was a typical Tuesday in our house. With school out of the way early in the day we were free to run errands in the afternoon.  And it was on the way home from those errands that something wonderful happened - a small miracle.


In recent weeks it has been my personal and public prayer for God to help me and our family stay mindful of His kingdom...the work He is faithfully doing in our hearts and in our land.  In fact this morning I had spent some precious moments with the Lord, in His presence, reading His word and asking Him again to help me be mindful.  My heart was in tune and my mind was alert.


But as we came to a stop at the red light just outside our gate, I felt the question rise in me again.  One of those questions I face almost daily.  Another homeless person? Everyday?  Always at least one standing outside our post gates...asking, begging for money, for mercy, for help.  It has become easy to grow calloused to them, for they are always there. And who knows if they are really homeless? - or scandals instead.  I have reasoned with myself that if I gave money to every one of them everyday, well, you know...


Today, though, my son didn't see him right away.  I had already noticed the man, unshaven, unkempt, with his sign held out for all to read.  I had already reasoned with my heart and conscience.  But as the light turned green and we rolled on, my little man caught sight of him.  And as a second grader, my boy can now read.  He read the man's position and his plea: "Homeless. Please help."  What came from his mouth was both poignant and pleading. "Mom, we should have given him some money."  I thought for a brief moment.  What should I say? Lord, don't let me sound jaded or closed off.  Help me show tenderness and grace. I responded, "Did you bring any of your money?" "No," he replied. "Next time, if you give him one of your dollars I'll pay you back when we get home." 


Now, to appreciate this it is helpful to understand the child who spoke those words.  He is a saver and a bit of a tightwad - unless it's someone else's money. :-) He can save for weeks on end in order to buy a certain toy he wants.  He's unwavering and doesn't allow temptations to throw him off his savings plan.  Who can blame him? - he works hard for his money.  But today, he was moved with compassion at the sight of a man asking for help.


It would have been easy to have said, "Okay, honey.  Next time that happens, I'll give him a dollar and you can pay me back."  But my heart has been set on looking for God's kingdom work - in the here and now.  "Next time" may be too late.  So I said to my son, "Do you want me to turn around? I have a dollar in my wallet." His reply made my heart smile, "Yes, Mom.  I prayed for wisdom this morning and I think God would want me to do this."  Not wanting to be outdone, I pulled out two dollars - one to match his. 


I'd been praying for eyes to see the kingdom at work, for opportunities where God would have me do His kingdom work.  And just outside the gates of this "kingdom" in which I live, I found an answer - a reply from the King.


We circled back around and exited the gate we'd just entered.  "Hand them to me, Mom, and roll down my window please.  I'll give them to him."  And so he did.  As the man approached the back window, he looked my son straight in the eyes and said, "Thank you.  May you be richly and abundantly blessed, young man." I couldn't have said it better myself.  A sweet conversation followed that teaching moment as we talked together of Solomon asking for wisdom, of passages from James, and of teachings from Jesus about the greater blessing being in the giving, rather than the receiving. 


And once again, the greatest lesson in our homeschool day came not from a textbook, but from Yahweh. :-)

The Mother Download

Today I was reminded by my sweet husband of what this day was like for me (for us, really) 5 years ago. It was a tearful one, full of dashed hopes, fading dreams, and fertility tests and treatments. One year later, Mother's Day four years ago, was quite the opposite scenario. It was a tearful one as well, but for sweeter reasons. You see, between Mother's Day 2005 and Mother's Day 2006, we not only found out we would become parents, we actually became parents! All in the span of a year's time. Wow…just thinking of it gives me flashbacks and goosebumps. From the valley of shadows of grief and barrenness to the mountaintop of joy and parity. How labile our emotions can be as humans, subject to our circumstances and points of view. Praise be to God who is an ever-present constant in the emotional storm.
I was recently reading a fiction book based loosely off of the book of Hosea. In it the author used the phrase "divine privilege" to describe the Lord's gift to us of bearing children. I think that there is no more fitting or true phrase than that – divine privilege. Divine because we are participating in the work of God…creating and nurturing new human life. Privelege because God didn't NEED us to make this happen, he chose us, the fairer sex. If God had chosen men to give birth to their next generation those children would no doubt be protected as that is a defined and strong characteristic in males. But God knew there was something more that was needed…a nurturing aspect that will cultivate and care for the hearts and lives of our future. Please understand that I'm not trying to push men or dads out of the picture. I am saying that a woman's role in the lives of her children is biological, elemental, natal.

As of this Mother's Day, I have now been divinely privileged twice by the Lord to carry two of his dear ones in my body and safely deliver them into this world. They are my pride, my joy, my delight and will one day be my legacy.

Reflections and projections

Today I took the time to slow down enough to reflect on "this time last year we were..." I like to do that from time to time in order to see how far we've come or how much we've changed, and also to trace the Lord's hand in our lives. This time last year, the final details were coming together for us for the Chaplaincy. Tim was getting ready to quit his "day job" and spend a month at home with Dylan before CH-BOLC started. We were "entertaining" the idea of child #2 (didn't take much entertaining!) and we were spiffing up our house to put it on the market. I can honestly say that the last year has had more changes in it than probably our 10 years together combined. Changing and quitting jobs, entering the military, conceiving a child, selling a home, being apart for 3 months, moving, buying a car, having a child (prematurely)...whoa, head is spinning! Life now is good, but it is very different. My days were once filled with nurse work from 0630 until 1900 and my "off days" were filled with a kiddo and housework. Now, I am a 24-7 nursing mommy :), maid, and cook. Making friends and setting up my "community" has been another task as I prepare for being a "happily married single parent" :) in the near future. I also spend some evenings each month at "coffees" (military wives term for "get-togethers). Soon we will be participating in a marriage retreat for the soldiers and their families in our battalion. My goal is to try to have an active presence in my husband's Chaplaincy ministry, in order to bring glory to God, to be a blessing to the soldiers and families, and use my gifts & talents wisely. Is this what I envisioned? I think so, but the more important question for me is "God, is this what you envisioned?" I have begun asking God that question on a daily basis, "Lord, is this what you envisioned for this day?" Breaking it down like that keeps me from steering off track before I realize it. For the past 3 days Tim has been out in the field doing deployment readiness trainig. He learned alot of important things about traveling in a convoy and had a great time in the process. For me, the past 3 days have been "single mom days". Not awful, but tough. This is my most important ministry roll, to continue on a somewhat normal life for the souls entrusted to me by God. I have a renewed respect for the women surrounding me in my neighborhood who are doing this for 365+ days at a time. It takes grit, guts, determination, but also a tender heart open to the Lord's wisdom and leading...and also it takes someone who sees the burning need for ministry to our troops and is instead willing to change diapers and wash laundry while someone else meets that need. It is not glamerous; there are no medals of honor, no recognition ceremonies. It is tireless and thankless at times. But there is that quiet, gentle voice of the Holy Spirit that so readily reminds us we are all working for the King, no matter what our role.

Hebrews 12:1 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."

And a beautiful note to end on, Jordan Nataleigh at 12 weeks. One of those precious souls entrusted to me... :) Lucky me!

Mothering...and other memories

I recently read an article in a religious magazine about a mother who, much like an employee at a corporation, turned in her 'resignation, effective today' to her family. In the resignation, she detailed how she could no longer 'work under such conditions' and was feeling overwhelmed by the number of constituents under her. While the article was written completely in jest, it got me thinking about this life of motherhood. Mothering (in particular, family-making and the formative years) are quite the challenge. I myself am considering writing a book chronicling the years I am spending raising my God-given gifts called children. I do not have sufficient enough material yet to write said book, but I already have a working title. It will be called, "Outnumbered: raising kids without raising hell". But I digress... In my recent attempts to find the balance (that, I've been told, "will come") in dividing time between 2 kids and housework, I have been employing some new strategies. One of which is "Get up before the kids do and get a few things done". Whether its getting a cup of Joe, reading the Bible, or taking a shower, getting something done before the children awake and begin requesting things has been suggested as helpful. I have discovered that this is not possible. You see, the children either have a "Mommy-Cam" through which they see you when you attempt to rise before them OR they have a string which is tied to your foot, and when you rise it rings a bell like Liberty to awaken them from their slumber in order that they might greet you at your bedroom door before you even come into the hallway. Oh well, it was a nice try. I have found myself amazed in the last 11 weeks at what can be accomplished in one day with my hands and the Lord's favor. Serving up 3 meals a day, to suit everyones tastes and likes. At least 1-2 loads of laundry done, folded, and put away. The perpetually endless cycle of dishes in and out of the dishwasher. Remembering our vitamins. The perpetually endless cycle of diaper changing. Looking for hidden toys that I swear I saw out in plain sight just yesterday. Clamoring to find any bit of time I can to spend with the love of my life. Remembering to brush teeth. Looking for that toy again! Paying bills. Giving lots of hugs and kisses. Reading God's word. Slowing down long enough to play a game or to "watch this, Mommy!" Orchestrating naps. All this and more, while at the same time independently manufacturing my own brand of enough milk to keep a growing baby alive. Whew! Maybe I should change my working title to "Circus Cow: Moo!" Orchestrating naps, an oxymoron if there ever was one. When I was pregnant with my second child, I would often wonder what it was like to have 2 young kids. I dreamed of a magic place, one where the children both napped at the same time. And I thought, "Yes! That is how these Moms make it; they put their children down for naps at the same time." What I now realize is that when my son leans over my baby daughter to give her a kiss, he is also whispering to her about the "kid's code of conduct" which I believe states that one child must be awake at all times while Mom is in the house. My baby girl has willingly complied and my oldest has refused to change his ways. At the end of the day, after all the hugs and kisses have been doled out, after the last nursing session, and after all teeth have been brushed, when it is just me lying next to that love of my life...the circus of nap dilemmas and outnumbered situations give way to a heart of gratitude. The lives entrusted into my care, including my husband's, are priceless. As the mother of 2 wonderful children, I am overwhelmed with sweetness and affection. As the wife of an Army Chaplain, I am overwhelmed with pride for my husband and my country. As the child of the King, I am overwhelmed with His love. Maybe I should change that working title, yet again, to "Overwhelmed: blessed beyond measure".

Musings of a pregnant woman

There are certain things that run through one's mind when one is gestating. These things are random, but real concerns. Things like:

1. Do the folks at Post Cereal know that their "Grape Nuts" have been successfully tempering my 'night nausea' for over 3 weeks now? If so, I think they would begin to advertise it on the box.


2. I am told that my baby is now the size of a peanut (the nut or the shell, I know not). Which I'm sure is right. However, how can something that small demand that I eat double portions of everything in sight? That "peanut" must be generating an inferno of nuclear fusion in there to need so much fuel!!


3. Should one really "need" maternity clothes at 10 weeks? I mean, come on, really.


4. I am terrified of "dry heaving" in public. Vomiting, the general public can handle. But dry heaving, what is that about? Men can't interpret that!


5. Whoever coined the terms "Estimated Date of Confinement" and "Full Term" must have really understood the similarities between pregnancy and a jail sentence.

The bottom line is that babies are wonderful, God-created beings. And pregnancy is a means to that end. An often non-glamerous, nauseating, weight-gaining means to that end. Pregnancy tests our will as women. A will that only that child can test more. If having babies were easy (i.e. no pregnancy), then I believe we would be unprepared for the child that pops out. Also, I believe, we cherish our babies more because of the fight we have endured to bring them here. As unpleasant as pregnancy is, God knew what he was doing. Gestating is a process of preparation...undoubtedly for the baby, but also for us moms. And God, I think you are preparing me well!!!