New Chaplain Wive's Frequently Asked Questions

Over the 5.5 years that we have been in the Army, several ladies have found this blog as their husbands were entering or had just entered into the chaplaincy.  This thrills me, as this was the original intent of this blog from the beginning!  Some common questions have arisen and I thought it might be helpful to post some of them here.  These are a combination of lessons learned, passions/leanings, and ministry philosophies.


Q: Did you go to/were you able to go to your husband's graduation from CHBOLC (CHaplain Basic Officer Leadership Course)?

A:  I did go to hubby's graduation from CHBOLC.  I highly recommend it.  I actually went down for his graduation week. They had classes for the spouses, events and outings, and then, of course, graduation itself.  I knew nothing of the military or chaplaincy, so it was definitely a great place to start my learning curve :-) Also the chaplain museum is there at Ft Jackson -- all chaplain families should visit it at least once to get a sense of the history of the chaplaincy since the beginning of the US Army.  The Army will not pay for your flight or trip, but hubby may be in a private hotel-like room and they allowed me as his wife to stay there with mine in the room that week.  It was a double/queen sized bed.  I did not bring the kids with me.  (They stayed with family - okay, I was pregnant so technically I DID bring one child :-) but the other stayed with grandma and grandpa).  If you do need to bring your kids with you and there is no childcare, maybe you all could just plan to be there for the graduation itself.  It is a momentous occasion. :-) You will circle back to Ft Jackson (home of CHBOLC) at some point during your chaplain's career, so it is good to get a feel for the post and its surroundings.

Q:  Will the Army pay for/help us move to our first duty station?

A:  The Army will pay for your initial move to your first duty station (as they will pay for each initial move to each future duty station).  Once your hubby has orders and you are packed up and leave your current home, the Army is then paying for your housing.  For the length of time that you are "in transit" to your new duty station/home, they will be paying your hubby a per diem rate.  It covers hotel and food for a limited number of travel days.  Some families move themselves and pocket the money that the Army would have paid to the movers (might be a good idea for those without kids or those looking to make some money in order to get out of debt?) BUT I don't recommend it with small children.  It is hard and a hassle, but sometimes you walk away with $2000- 3000 in your pocket.  Also, when you get to your duty station, you may be on a waiting list for housing - this is normal and occurs at almost every duty station.  You can either stay in a hotel/condo on post (paid for by the Army's per diem pay for a short time) or if the wait is a long one you may have to find an apt or housing off post.  We have found on-post housing is worth the wait (especially as a chaplain family)!

Q: Is it true that most officers choose not to live on post?

A: I think the saying that many officers don't live on post is a misnomer.  We know plenty that DO live on post.  My husband and I HIGHLY recommend it for those moving to their first duty station.  It is the best way (in our opinion) to get acclimated to Army life. And when your hubby is home (not deployed), it will be nice having him near to be able to see him for breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner.  However, I realize that saving money may be important to your family.  Some families we know were able to get out of debt by living in a house/apt well below their BAH (basic allowance for housing) and it worked out well for them. If you need to do that to get out from under some debts then do what you need to do, just don’t forget the added expense of utilities.  But if you are able to, we recommend trying life on post.  We have lived both on and off post and I can definitely say I have been able to have a more vibrant and active ministry alongside my husband while living on post (closer proximity to chapel, families in our neighborhood were easy to open up to and minister to, fewer number of hours spent in the car going to and from post, etc.)

Q: What is an Army community like, especially for families? 

A: Wonderful.  When hubby deployed -- this is another benefit of living on post -- I relied HEAVILY on neighbors.  They were all in the same boat (hubbies deployed or deploying) so they all understood and no one asked questions.  Once my youngest spiked a fever so high I had to take her to the doctor immediately.  I walked to my neighbors, told her of the fever, left my oldest with her and got in the car.  She asked no questions and told me to do whatever I needed to.  Of course, I knew her well by that point b/c our kids played every day together and knew I could trust her. That was a peace of mind for me that money couldn't buy.  Also, our chaplain spouses group had a list of girls that babysat and we shared those names with each other.  At most duty stations there is a small group of chaplain wives who band together for sharing community and resources with each other.   Another option is the many childcare/preschools that are available on most posts.  We have also utilized those from time to time and they are usually very professional and well run (and offer discounts if your husband is deployed). 

Q: Can my husband do his duties at chapel and our family attend a church off-post?

A: The short answer is yes.  However...we have chosen to be heavily involved in our chapel on post and not attend a church off post. We both feel that as a chaplain family, if we do not attend chapel and are not heavily involved with it, what kind of message are we sending to the families on that post?  Chapel is not worth it?  We don't feel right about encouraging people to attend chapel (one of the key elements of a chaplain's ministry) if we ourselves don't go.  Sort of like saying "It's good enough for your family but not for mine."  Most of the larger posts do have several chapel services to choose from and children's and women's ministries as well (please, please, please check out PWOC - protestant women of the chapel - or CWOC - catholic women of the chapel, depending on your denominational preferences :-)

 

Psalm 1 in pictures (I took!)

 

A few pictures of awesome birthdays gone by...

In honor of our little guy, who will all too soon be turning EIGHT!...

 

A kingdom perspective

We homeschool.  Have I ever mentioned that? Yes?  Well, today was a typical Tuesday in our house. With school out of the way early in the day we were free to run errands in the afternoon.  And it was on the way home from those errands that something wonderful happened - a small miracle.


In recent weeks it has been my personal and public prayer for God to help me and our family stay mindful of His kingdom...the work He is faithfully doing in our hearts and in our land.  In fact this morning I had spent some precious moments with the Lord, in His presence, reading His word and asking Him again to help me be mindful.  My heart was in tune and my mind was alert.


But as we came to a stop at the red light just outside our gate, I felt the question rise in me again.  One of those questions I face almost daily.  Another homeless person? Everyday?  Always at least one standing outside our post gates...asking, begging for money, for mercy, for help.  It has become easy to grow calloused to them, for they are always there. And who knows if they are really homeless? - or scandals instead.  I have reasoned with myself that if I gave money to every one of them everyday, well, you know...


Today, though, my son didn't see him right away.  I had already noticed the man, unshaven, unkempt, with his sign held out for all to read.  I had already reasoned with my heart and conscience.  But as the light turned green and we rolled on, my little man caught sight of him.  And as a second grader, my boy can now read.  He read the man's position and his plea: "Homeless. Please help."  What came from his mouth was both poignant and pleading. "Mom, we should have given him some money."  I thought for a brief moment.  What should I say? Lord, don't let me sound jaded or closed off.  Help me show tenderness and grace. I responded, "Did you bring any of your money?" "No," he replied. "Next time, if you give him one of your dollars I'll pay you back when we get home." 


Now, to appreciate this it is helpful to understand the child who spoke those words.  He is a saver and a bit of a tightwad - unless it's someone else's money. :-) He can save for weeks on end in order to buy a certain toy he wants.  He's unwavering and doesn't allow temptations to throw him off his savings plan.  Who can blame him? - he works hard for his money.  But today, he was moved with compassion at the sight of a man asking for help.


It would have been easy to have said, "Okay, honey.  Next time that happens, I'll give him a dollar and you can pay me back."  But my heart has been set on looking for God's kingdom work - in the here and now.  "Next time" may be too late.  So I said to my son, "Do you want me to turn around? I have a dollar in my wallet." His reply made my heart smile, "Yes, Mom.  I prayed for wisdom this morning and I think God would want me to do this."  Not wanting to be outdone, I pulled out two dollars - one to match his. 


I'd been praying for eyes to see the kingdom at work, for opportunities where God would have me do His kingdom work.  And just outside the gates of this "kingdom" in which I live, I found an answer - a reply from the King.


We circled back around and exited the gate we'd just entered.  "Hand them to me, Mom, and roll down my window please.  I'll give them to him."  And so he did.  As the man approached the back window, he looked my son straight in the eyes and said, "Thank you.  May you be richly and abundantly blessed, young man." I couldn't have said it better myself.  A sweet conversation followed that teaching moment as we talked together of Solomon asking for wisdom, of passages from James, and of teachings from Jesus about the greater blessing being in the giving, rather than the receiving. 


And once again, the greatest lesson in our homeschool day came not from a textbook, but from Yahweh. :-)

"Needs of the Army"

Our mild Tennessee summer is quickly turning into what seems will be a fierce winter.  With that change of seasons has come a few changes for this Army family as well.  Shortly after we settled in to our on-post house this summer, the winds of change started to blow.  The aviation unit that Chaplain was with was on a schedule to deploy sometime in January.  But through a turn of events (what we like to call God working behind the scenes) the "needs of the Army" came first and hubby was moved from that unit into another here at Campbell - a unit that is not deploying anytime in the foreseeable future.  While that may seem like it would have been a huge relief, it was actually a mixed bag.  My chaplain had spent a year building relationships with the soldiers in his battalion, training up with them and establishing a trust factor with them.  Due to the needs of the Army (specifically, needing a Catholic priest in a certain region of OEF), another chaplain would be stepping into deploy without having that trust factor and very little time to build relationships.  Our hearts were somewhat disappointed and saddened by this.  But we trust that God orchestrated all this for a reason and He can overcome any obstacles this change may bring about.  Also, as a soldier, hubby was looking forward to deploying - not being gone from family but being with his soldiers during their greatest times of spiritual need.  In trying to explain this to friends and family, I used the analogy of it being like a missionary who has just had his mission field taken from him.  Chaplain and I have always said that we did not decide to go into the Army at a time of war with a plan to dodge deployments.  We had come to grips with the upcoming deployment and were making adjustments to ease the transition.  But again, we trust in the omniscient God and His higher ways.  Hubby has settled into his new unit.  He is with an engineer battalion and the job is going well.  Hubby has an interest in moving to the special forces side of the Army so, Lord willing, we may be here at Campbell for awhile.  Suits us just fine - we really like it here!

Meanwhile on the home front...homeschooling is in session and we are 63 days down!  We made a decision to keep princess at home with us (no preschool) and it has been a good but challenging (for me) decision.  She is eager to learn and in some ways is more teachable than her brother.  But her attention span and need for large amounts of my attention have forced me to be proactive in having things prepared and planned for her to do.  Some days are great; others are a struggle, big time.  She has learned a lot and is so eager to do her "kindergarten worksheets", as she affectionately calls them.  The greatest joy in her life is the gymnastic class she attends once a week.  Through a program for kids on-post, she enjoys participating in a preschool gymnastic group, which she calls 'nastics'.  They are learning the basics of tumbling, bars, floor, and beam.  Big brother is doing well in school, growing more independent each day (when Mama remembers to let him be!).  He has continued with his taekwondo and is now a green belt.  His social side is being fed quite well with the abundance of kids in our new neighborhood.  He is one happy boy!

Chaplain and I have had the privilege of being very actively involved in our chapel here at Campbell.  While it is not exactly the same as a local church, it is the closest thing we have had to one since we left civilian ministry.  Our family has been blessed by the chapel ministries and we have had many opportunities to bless others.  It has truly been a joy.  From music ministry to children's ministry, adult Bible study to AWANA, grief share group to ladies Bible study, fellowship meals to VBS, our chapel has had much to offer the soldiers and families of Campbell as we seek to help them grow spiritually.  This has been especially good for me since up until recently there wasn't much of a chance for involvement alongside Tim in his battalion.  Each unit is so different, and I never know from one place to the next how much involvement I can/will have.  This weekend we will be putting on our first Strong Bonds marriage retreat in over a year.  We used to have the opportunity to do them almost monthly, but due to budget cut-backs and the cycle of training that his unit was in we have not had one on the calendar for quite sometime. 

That is a wrap-up of our last 5 months!  God continues to be faithful to us and shower us with blessings.  We can't wait to see what He's gonna do next!

We moved!

Yes, I realize there are more cobwebs on this blog than in the crawlspace under our house...but I'm coming out from the dusty bunnies long enough to blog that "WE HAVE MOVED!" It's a long story that I hope to have the chance to tell someday soon, but for now suffice it to say that we are living in a single-family dwelling, built in the 1950's, original wood floors, Army house on Fort Campbell.  It is in a great neighborhood with wonderful neighbors and LOADS of kids.  We have been here for just over a month and love the location.  A picture is worth a thousand words, so here's to being succinct!

Give us this day our daily banana bread...

My husband and I were deep in the midst of a comatose-like sleep in the early hours following first light when I faintly heard the light clanking sound.  It had been a long night following a long weekend of camping with our two li'l arrows.  We'd been awakened three times - twice to the sound of our CO detector chirping (bad batteries!) and once to the sound of Cindy Lou Who needing help with her sheets 'cause she'd had an accident.  In my sleepy-stupor, I assumed the light clankity-clank was the sound of dishes but drifted back to sleep before that thought aroused any anxiety within me.  Soon after, we awakened to the sound of our bedroom door popping open as a shaggy brown-headed boy with the longest eyelashes you've ever seen moseyed into our room.  He gave us hugs and good morning love, and then proceeded to inform us about all the deeds he'd been up doing.  I wasn't surprised, but rather delighted, as a lot of our recent "talks" have centered around responsibility, chores, and taking initiative.  Somewhere in his list-of-pride I heard the words "set the table and made breakfast".  My heart smiled while my nerves cringed.  I quickly gave my self a self-talk and reminded said self that initiative was more important than perfection.  Or a clean kitchen. (which, I might add, had been cleaned just before going to bed.)  His father and I gave him verbal praise and encouraged him with words of affirmation.  Our son smiled broadly and went on about his morning.  And a few minutes later my husband and I were both up and starting down the hall.  That sweet, seven-year-old boy had indeed done many helpful things all of his own accord - made beds (yes, plural!), let our dogs out, dressed himself, etc.  But the one that touched me the most was breakfast.  He had set the table (with our good dishes, not our breakfast dishes) and had done it "fancy style".  You see, we have two ways of setting the table.  #1 - just getting the dishes and utensils to the table. #2 - Fork on the left atop a napkin, knife on the right, spoon next to that, and plate in the middle.  He had chosen the latter.  Each place setting had a FULL, LARGE cup of that person's favorite beverage (hubby had sweet tea for breakfast!).  And atop each plate was a pop-tart and a slice of the banana bread I'd made the night before (carb loading!).  The bread slices appeared to have been cut with a jig saw - disfigured, misshapen, crumbly -  so I followed the trail of bread crumbs back to the kitchen.  I was relieved to find no jig saw knife anywhere, but instead a dull butter knife next to what remained of the loaf.  I turned to look at that tan, handsome kid and noticed his look of pride as he gestured with a Vanna White-like wave to show me where my chair was. 

And that was when it hit me.  Is this how God feels?  We children- who love Him deeply and want to serve in His Kingdom - we do our best with our finite resources and our human limitations to love with all our heart, soul, and mind.  We take what we know and combine it with what we are capable of doing and ask His blessing.  We.Try.So.Hard!  And then we step back, to admire our work and to await the praise of our loving Father.  Then He - who loves us more than life itself - blesses our efforts (He gives the increase!), and continually showers us with grace upon grace.  He continues to call us into His service and chooses to use us, in spite of our short comings and failures.  He.Delights.In.Us!  In that moment, I was reminded that the weight is not on us to achieve perfection or to do our tasks exactly as a perfect, omniscient God would do.  After all, even our best efforts are still like jig sawed banana bread slices.  Paul says in the New Testament that our righteousness is as filthy rags, and that we are saved by grace through faith, not by our works so that no one can brag on themselves. Jesus is our righteousness!  It is not because of what we do that make us His beloved; it's because of who we are: blood-bought souls whom He redeemed through the sacrifice of His very Son.  Now we can give our best efforts, not in order to seek His approval (we're already approved!), but because we are crazy in love with the Lover of our souls and His love compels us to action.  No, it's not our attempts at perfection that make Him smile.  God is interested in our hearts - eager to be obedient, passionate about His Kingdom, and joyful to serve others. 

And with that realization, I sat in my chair, which now felt more like a throne.  The royal family joined me and we clasped our hands to pray.  I thanked our King for little hands eager to serve, for the "feast" before us, and for the gift of the day ahead.  With the close of an 'Amen', we began to eat our royal vittles...one crumb at a time.