Finding my voice again

It has been quite sometime since I have been in the blogging groove. It is definitely something I miss when I don't do it. I guess the best way to describe my love of blogging is that it gives me a voice. A voice that I wouldn't otherwise have. A voice that allows me to express the inner-workings of my heart, to showcase what God is doing in my life. To flesh out things I am going through and PRAY, PRAY, PRAY that God can take this mess of jumbled words and use it for His glory to help someone else along.

I have discovered about myself that at the times when my blog is stagnant it is because that voice inside me is silent. Life keeps pressing on, things are busy, and there is plenty that I could write about. But sometimes at the same time, for a variety of reasons, my heart does not want to put to the pen what is really going on inside. The past 6 weeks have been such an example. Yes, our little bundle of joy came early and the last 6 weeks have been busy as ever. Some might think I have not had time to blog. But others might think "Why haven't you been writing and posting pics? You have so much to show and talk about!"

My husband is usually one of the first people to say something about my silent blog. He enjoys reading it and looks a couple of times a week for a new post. After several weeks of nothing, he'll say something like "Hey, you haven't posted in a while." At this point, I usually do an inventory of why. Sometimes it's because I've stepped away from the Fountain of Living Water and my inner well is dry. I sense that God has silenced that "voice inside" because I am not closely listening to His voice. Othertimes, the voice is speaking but I just don't take the time to post it to words that I know can bless and benefit others. I detest these times of disobedience because I know I am not using my blog for its full God-potential.

But there are other times when what is going on in my world seems like a whirlwind...no, more like a hurricane. And at those times, putting into words what is happening is a near impossibility. God either has me on a strange journey or is allowing me to endure difficulties; I can hardly process what is happening, much less express it. It is as if all I can do is hold on and wait until the ride slows down or until I find my voice again.

I guess I'd say the last 6 weeks have been a combination of all of these factors. Whether it be because of sleep deprivation or hormones, at times my life seems fragmented. Piecemealed. Unorganized. Things we go through sometimes lack sense and logic. Realizing this, it touched my heart to hear the words to a Matthew West song today.

Just lift them up to me

All the broken pieces

Give all the broken pieces of your life to me

Lift them up to Me

Let Me carry you

I will take your pieces

And put them back together

I was reminded today that there are many women (and maybe men!) who are stopping by my blog on their journey toward Chaplaincy. Some of you have contacted me and I'm sure there are others who prefer to observe from afar. Let me say right here that the fact that you even read my blog past the header is so HUMBLING. That God would use this "voice inside" to spur others on, help others in their decisions, lift someone up, is so unbelievably HUMBLING. I doubt that today's post is helpful to anyone besides me inside my own head. But I pray that as I continue to be faithful to blog on this journey that others will find help, hope, healing, and Him.

Lord, help me now as I put my life's focus back on you and your Word. May I be reminded each time I open its cover that it is not an object but a living thing...active, breathing, and sharp enough to divide us to our innermost depth. Meet me, God, at the corner of sacrifice and obedience. I pray I will find myself there each day. Worthy is the Lamb!

And I couldn't resist posting this cutest of pictures...

She's here! (well, she's been here for a little while)

5 weeks later, I finally have a moment to post! (Better late than never ;0) Jordan Nataleigh Raburn made an early appearance into this world, but not beyond the knowledge and care of her heavenly Father. She arrived Saturday August 1st, 2009 at 12:39pm. She weighed 6 lbs even, and was 18.25 inches long. Not bad for 35 weeks!! She spent 10 days in the NICU (which I WILL blog about at some point...such an experience) and came home to be forever ours on August 11th. She is a delight and a sweet joy. She nurses like a champ even though she was given bottles for a good while in the NICU. She likes to be held and talked to and cries very little. She is a GREAT sleeper and her big brother can't keep his hands off of her. More to come as time allows...right now we are enjoying the 10 day paternity leave the Army provides :)

Countdown to baby!

I guess infrequent bloggings are my new norm! The summer has been so busy for us. Combine that with my ever-increasing tiredness and you might can see why I haven't spent much time on here. Facebook statuses are about all I've had the energy for! At this point I am just shy of 34 weeks pregnant with this sweet baby girl. Her room is coming together and I feel mostly prepared for her arrival...as prepared as I can, I suppose. We have been praying for her health, safe arrival, and her transition into our family. We are also praying for Dylan's acceptance of her and his 'bound-to-change' behavior...that it will be as mild as the Lord sees fit to allow! I think I am already seeing some of that in him, maybe partly because he senses change and partly because I just cannot keep up!! Just moments ago he was circling me at full speed in our living room/dining room/kitchen area like a buzzard...or like Dash from The Incredibles! He is also in a phase where he does NOT like being left anywhere without me, including Sunday School and mother's-morning-out. But he doesn't mind going over to our neighborhood friend's houses and staying all day. Go figure!! Tim and I hope to make some special memories with him over the next month like taking him to Build-A-Bear to make a special something for Jordan and taking him places like Monkey Joes, our local bounce house. Our big summer adventure included an interesting trip followed by grandparents visiting from both sides. In mid-June, Dylan and I flew to Alabama to spend a few days with my parents. Then Tim drove over with our 2 dogs to pick us up. We left the dogs at my parent's house and headed to the Little Rock/Cabot, AR area (for a very short time!). Then we headed north to Springfield, MO for the annual ABA meeting. Then we did all that again in reverse: back to Cabot, back to Alabama, then finally back home...for Tim and I. I had a doctor's appointment to get back for, so we brought the dogs back to North Carolina with us but Dylan stayed in Alabama a few more days with Grammy and Poppy and rode with them to our house in North Carolina. We celebrated the 4th of July with Mom and Dad by taking a 3-day trip to Wilmington, NC, a local beach spot on the coast. After returning home, Mom and Dad left and then Babu and Nana arrived for a week's stay. Needless to say it was "alot of goings on", but a load of fun and unforgetable for Dylan. That was my "last hurrah" of adventure before settling in to build my next here at home!! :) Life here on post has become a norm for us and this place feels like home. Even the dogs are settling in and not barking quite so much at each and every walker & runner that come by our house! I continue to meet friendly people and their families everyday. Some of these relationships are turning into sweet friendships that I know I will cherish for years to come. Tim and I have settled on which Chapel to attend and we are getting plugged in. There are several other Chaplain families that serve there and the people there are wonderful. The Lord is definitely doing a work at Chapel Next, Linden Oaks. I am surrounded by women who's husbands are dealing with or facing deployment. I have not yet let myself begin to process what that will be like, but my heart and prayers go out to them. They are families just like ours, with children who love their fathers. They are women just like anyone else with struggles and fears. But they are asked to do extraordinary things. With the notice that the Army gives, it is nice to be able to plan ahead for such an adjustment. But at the same time it can grown to become an agonizing and painful anticipation of that coming time. If you are reading this and the Lord pricks your heart, pray for them, their spouses and their families. Pray for grace and mercy, for strength and wisdom, and for courage.

Pictures from our July vacation

Here are recent pics from our vacation and time with grandparents (my parents). Dylan had his first trip to the beach and he thoroughly enjoyed it. He kept referring to the ocean as "the swimming pool at the beach"! The pictures of the picnic are from Tim's battalion organization day.

Powerful Prayer

OPENING PRAYER BY RETIRED NAVY CHAPLAIN JOHN P. SAUNDERS AT THE ABA 2009 MEETING Eternal God, our Father, thou hast been our strength and help for the past 234 years, and You are our hope as a nation for years to come. Thank you Lord for the privilege of living in America. Thy divine providence led our forefathers in building a nation upon the principles or righteousness, justice, liberty and individual responsibility. Your goodness and blessing through the years made us the greatest nation on earth, a nation of free people who delighted in the law of God, believed in the sanctity of human life, and the sacred vows of marriage. From our humble beginning we were known as a Christian Nation because we believed in the teachings of Jesus and worked to insure that Godly men were elected to high positions of government. You continued to bless us and we became the wealthiest nation on earth. As years passed we gradually became apathetic, independent and self-serving, forgetting that faith in God had made us great. We took a wrong turn, and followed the ways of evil men. We allowed ungodly leaders to take prayer out of our schools, God out of government, legalize killing our unborn children, and to legitimize homosexuality and same sex marriage. We cast off moral restraint and replaced it with permissivism. We have replaced individual responsibility with a growing dependence on government welfare. We have traded spiritual faith and courage for complacency and appeasement. We call evil good and have jettisoned the values of our forefathers. We are losing our reputation as a Christian nation, and are undeserving of your blessing and favor. Help us to turn back in repentance and seek your face again. O Lord, we pray for our President and our nation’s leaders. Open their eyes to truth and the ways of God before judgment falls. May they learn the simple truth that “the same principles that made our nation great, will also guarantee our future.” Bless and protect the men and women in uniform that fight for our freedom and way of life against our enemies. Bless our Chaplains as they minister to the troops and their families. We pray that the Prince of Peace and the day of peace may soon come to earth. Lord, we thank you for the privilege to assemble here as members of the Churches of Jesus Christ. Help us exalt You above all and to pursue your kingdoms work of spreading the Gospel to the lost world. Bless our Moderators and officers, our missionaries and your churches. May all we do give honor and glory to You. We pray in the great and mighty name of Jesus. Amen

Life and such

I checked out my own blog today and couldn't believe how long it had been since I had posted! Time is really moving fast these days. It seems that the weekdays just fly and then it is the weekend again. Dylan and I have been enjoying our neighborhood pool since it opened Memorial Day weekend. Tim is making his presence known amongst the troops and has been busy with his Chaplain duties. We are narrowing down our decision on which Chapel to attend for worship. There is a Chapel being held at a community located 20 minutes from here but it is an on-post community. We have to drive off-post and then back on-post again to get there. It is just starting but God is definitely working there.

I have been trying to be a visible presence along side Tim as well as I attend different meetings and functions with the Army. I want to be an example for Christ whenever I can and I also want to be known amongst the troops and spouses as someone who is approachable in case they need to talk or are searching for Christ. I want to be more than just a supportive spouse. I don't know what kind of experience these ladies (and men) have had with Chaplain spouses in the past, but I pray that I will be different in a good way in order that they see Christ more clearly. Lord, I pray you will use me in this way!

Dylan had his first "teeth tickling" at the dentist last week and he did great! Even sat still for x-rays! I was so proud of him...and his teeth got a stellar report :) This pregnancy is really progressing...and so is my belly :) We have settled on an official name: Jordan Nataleigh Raburn. Tim has been busy pink-ifying her room! We are resuing alot of Dylan's things but trying to make them a bit more feminine. Pics will follow when the room is complete.

Hope for the Home Front

Marshele Waddell http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WHbEAhf6h8