Finding my voice again

It has been quite sometime since I have been in the blogging groove. It is definitely something I miss when I don't do it. I guess the best way to describe my love of blogging is that it gives me a voice. A voice that I wouldn't otherwise have. A voice that allows me to express the inner-workings of my heart, to showcase what God is doing in my life. To flesh out things I am going through and PRAY, PRAY, PRAY that God can take this mess of jumbled words and use it for His glory to help someone else along.

I have discovered about myself that at the times when my blog is stagnant it is because that voice inside me is silent. Life keeps pressing on, things are busy, and there is plenty that I could write about. But sometimes at the same time, for a variety of reasons, my heart does not want to put to the pen what is really going on inside. The past 6 weeks have been such an example. Yes, our little bundle of joy came early and the last 6 weeks have been busy as ever. Some might think I have not had time to blog. But others might think "Why haven't you been writing and posting pics? You have so much to show and talk about!"

My husband is usually one of the first people to say something about my silent blog. He enjoys reading it and looks a couple of times a week for a new post. After several weeks of nothing, he'll say something like "Hey, you haven't posted in a while." At this point, I usually do an inventory of why. Sometimes it's because I've stepped away from the Fountain of Living Water and my inner well is dry. I sense that God has silenced that "voice inside" because I am not closely listening to His voice. Othertimes, the voice is speaking but I just don't take the time to post it to words that I know can bless and benefit others. I detest these times of disobedience because I know I am not using my blog for its full God-potential.

But there are other times when what is going on in my world seems like a, more like a hurricane. And at those times, putting into words what is happening is a near impossibility. God either has me on a strange journey or is allowing me to endure difficulties; I can hardly process what is happening, much less express it. It is as if all I can do is hold on and wait until the ride slows down or until I find my voice again.

I guess I'd say the last 6 weeks have been a combination of all of these factors. Whether it be because of sleep deprivation or hormones, at times my life seems fragmented. Piecemealed. Unorganized. Things we go through sometimes lack sense and logic. Realizing this, it touched my heart to hear the words to a Matthew West song today.

Just lift them up to me

All the broken pieces

Give all the broken pieces of your life to me

Lift them up to Me

Let Me carry you

I will take your pieces

And put them back together

I was reminded today that there are many women (and maybe men!) who are stopping by my blog on their journey toward Chaplaincy. Some of you have contacted me and I'm sure there are others who prefer to observe from afar. Let me say right here that the fact that you even read my blog past the header is so HUMBLING. That God would use this "voice inside" to spur others on, help others in their decisions, lift someone up, is so unbelievably HUMBLING. I doubt that today's post is helpful to anyone besides me inside my own head. But I pray that as I continue to be faithful to blog on this journey that others will find help, hope, healing, and Him.

Lord, help me now as I put my life's focus back on you and your Word. May I be reminded each time I open its cover that it is not an object but a living, breathing, and sharp enough to divide us to our innermost depth. Meet me, God, at the corner of sacrifice and obedience. I pray I will find myself there each day. Worthy is the Lamb!

And I couldn't resist posting this cutest of pictures...

She's here! (well, she's been here for a little while)

5 weeks later, I finally have a moment to post! (Better late than never ;0) Jordan Nataleigh Raburn made an early appearance into this world, but not beyond the knowledge and care of her heavenly Father. She arrived Saturday August 1st, 2009 at 12:39pm. She weighed 6 lbs even, and was 18.25 inches long. Not bad for 35 weeks!! She spent 10 days in the NICU (which I WILL blog about at some point...such an experience) and came home to be forever ours on August 11th. She is a delight and a sweet joy. She nurses like a champ even though she was given bottles for a good while in the NICU. She likes to be held and talked to and cries very little. She is a GREAT sleeper and her big brother can't keep his hands off of her. More to come as time allows...right now we are enjoying the 10 day paternity leave the Army provides :)

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