The beauty of Colorado...and a birthday!

Three weeks have passed since our arrival to Colorado - but BOY does it feel like longer than that.  All the hard labor of unpacking and settling in has made time feel sluggish.  Slowly our home has evolved within the walls of this house.  We are now fully unpacked (well...you know, there's always a box or two you never unpack!) and have begun enjoying the beauty that Colorado has to offer.  The state motto is "Colorful Colorado" and that's a perfect description.

Welcome to our Colorado home!

On our street alone we can see the mountains from one end and the wide-open prairie from the other end.  The rooms on the back of our home have a view of Pike's Peak - which can also be seen by anyone jumping on the trampoline at the apex of their jump!  On one of our first family walk outings, we discovered numerous scrawling trails criss-crossing the land behind our home.  And around one bend we saw a doe and her fawn.  

The doe and her (not-so-visible) fawn

We also hit the trail on our bikes last weekend and rode next to a stream that led to a nature preserve.  The stream was swift and the sights were all beautifully framed beneath the Rocky Mountains.  The climate is very tolerable here and the lack of humidity helps 93° not feel like 93°.  The trail was made of packed dirt with pea gravel atop it and all was well until a certain little girl's bike tire inner tube decided the gravel was too much for it.  So we walked back to the trailhead and headed home.

Our new neighborhood and it's criss-crossing gravel trails have afforded us the opportunity to take our go-kart out for some epic spins.  And I mean spins! Our son is ecstatic for this - since living on post before meant no go-karts on the streets.

And in the midst of all this fun, we celebrated a birthday! Our sweet little girl turned 7.  How did we go from this...

...to this in so little time?!  I'll never understand it!

She is a cat lover trapped in a dog household, so for her birthday she wished for cat "things".  And when your family already has 2 dogs and your daddy is allergic to cats, you get cat "things". Not a kitten.

Hubby has his "boots on the ground" at his unit and is surveying the companies along with what his job will entail with this unit's specialties and tempo.  It's a good thing he's already well acclimated to this altitude - he's put in 9 miles of running with soldiers already!  At 6,400 feet above sea level, running is no joke!

I'm still on sabbatical in my Facebook blackout (#nohashtags) and very content!  The only things that have pushed me remotely close to reactivating my account are desiring information about some of the things we want to plug into here in Colorado.  But so far I've found other ways to get that info.  Once I got passed the first couple of weeks, an internal calm settled in and hasn't left.  There's a peacefulness that can't be described unless one experiences the hush of no hashtags.

For now I'll leave you with a few more pictures of the beauty of this state...

The mountains at one end of our street

The prairie at the other end

"Needs of the Army"

Our mild Tennessee summer is quickly turning into what seems will be a fierce winter.  With that change of seasons has come a few changes for this Army family as well.  Shortly after we settled in to our on-post house this summer, the winds of change started to blow.  The aviation unit that Chaplain was with was on a schedule to deploy sometime in January.  But through a turn of events (what we like to call God working behind the scenes) the "needs of the Army" came first and hubby was moved from that unit into another here at Campbell - a unit that is not deploying anytime in the foreseeable future.  While that may seem like it would have been a huge relief, it was actually a mixed bag.  My chaplain had spent a year building relationships with the soldiers in his battalion, training up with them and establishing a trust factor with them.  Due to the needs of the Army (specifically, needing a Catholic priest in a certain region of OEF), another chaplain would be stepping into deploy without having that trust factor and very little time to build relationships.  Our hearts were somewhat disappointed and saddened by this.  But we trust that God orchestrated all this for a reason and He can overcome any obstacles this change may bring about.  Also, as a soldier, hubby was looking forward to deploying - not being gone from family but being with his soldiers during their greatest times of spiritual need.  In trying to explain this to friends and family, I used the analogy of it being like a missionary who has just had his mission field taken from him.  Chaplain and I have always said that we did not decide to go into the Army at a time of war with a plan to dodge deployments.  We had come to grips with the upcoming deployment and were making adjustments to ease the transition.  But again, we trust in the omniscient God and His higher ways.  Hubby has settled into his new unit.  He is with an engineer battalion and the job is going well.  Hubby has an interest in moving to the special forces side of the Army so, Lord willing, we may be here at Campbell for awhile.  Suits us just fine - we really like it here!

Meanwhile on the home front...homeschooling is in session and we are 63 days down!  We made a decision to keep princess at home with us (no preschool) and it has been a good but challenging (for me) decision.  She is eager to learn and in some ways is more teachable than her brother.  But her attention span and need for large amounts of my attention have forced me to be proactive in having things prepared and planned for her to do.  Some days are great; others are a struggle, big time.  She has learned a lot and is so eager to do her "kindergarten worksheets", as she affectionately calls them.  The greatest joy in her life is the gymnastic class she attends once a week.  Through a program for kids on-post, she enjoys participating in a preschool gymnastic group, which she calls 'nastics'.  They are learning the basics of tumbling, bars, floor, and beam.  Big brother is doing well in school, growing more independent each day (when Mama remembers to let him be!).  He has continued with his taekwondo and is now a green belt.  His social side is being fed quite well with the abundance of kids in our new neighborhood.  He is one happy boy!

Chaplain and I have had the privilege of being very actively involved in our chapel here at Campbell.  While it is not exactly the same as a local church, it is the closest thing we have had to one since we left civilian ministry.  Our family has been blessed by the chapel ministries and we have had many opportunities to bless others.  It has truly been a joy.  From music ministry to children's ministry, adult Bible study to AWANA, grief share group to ladies Bible study, fellowship meals to VBS, our chapel has had much to offer the soldiers and families of Campbell as we seek to help them grow spiritually.  This has been especially good for me since up until recently there wasn't much of a chance for involvement alongside Tim in his battalion.  Each unit is so different, and I never know from one place to the next how much involvement I can/will have.  This weekend we will be putting on our first Strong Bonds marriage retreat in over a year.  We used to have the opportunity to do them almost monthly, but due to budget cut-backs and the cycle of training that his unit was in we have not had one on the calendar for quite sometime. 

That is a wrap-up of our last 5 months!  God continues to be faithful to us and shower us with blessings.  We can't wait to see what He's gonna do next!

We moved!

Yes, I realize there are more cobwebs on this blog than in the crawlspace under our house...but I'm coming out from the dusty bunnies long enough to blog that "WE HAVE MOVED!" It's a long story that I hope to have the chance to tell someday soon, but for now suffice it to say that we are living in a single-family dwelling, built in the 1950's, original wood floors, Army house on Fort Campbell.  It is in a great neighborhood with wonderful neighbors and LOADS of kids.  We have been here for just over a month and love the location.  A picture is worth a thousand words, so here's to being succinct!

And in conclusion…

A year has passed. I cannot fathom how a year has gone by so quickly and yet there have been times where it seemed like "a day was as a thousand years." I can remember this time last year wondering to myself if there was a doctor out there who could just put me in a coma for a year and wake me when this was all over. What a mistake that would have been…to have missed out on all that God had for me and would do to and through me. To have missed out on the good AND the bad. In my heart and my mind I have been trying to say "goodbye" to this season in my life; to boil it down to a few nuggets I can take away and share with others. It is hard to simplify such an arduous process. Spend any time around Army wives and you will quickly learn that they define themselves and their families in terms of deployments. This is a byproduct of war that I am still not sure that I'm okay with. I am a firm believer that it's not what life throws at you but what you make of it that really counts. So to define myself in terms of whether my husband is home or gone seems like I am letting life's punches call the shots instead of taking my life by the horns, no matter my husband's current continent.

There have been many moments that I thought I was teetering near the brink of insanity. Usually this was due to something my beautiful and precious childrens were bringing to the equation at the time. For those who have read my previous posts, I'll not take you to that crazy place again. Suffice it to say that God undoubtedly knew that was a path I needed to go down in order to better sharpen and hone certain facets of my character. What I feel now is stronger. Stronger physically, stronger mentally, stronger emotionally. Running and yoga have been my "outlets" this past year. They allowed me to free my mind and free my body as well. As Eric Little said, I definitely felt the Lord's pleasure as I pounded out many a mile while listening to worship music or rattling off my thoughts to Him. Mentally I am stronger because I have been under constant stress and pressure and have had no choice but to deal with it. There was no "out", no other adult in the house with me. It was up to me and God to work it out and see it through. Problems that would have once made me throw my hands up and walk away required that I stay and deal with them. I was remarking on this recently as I found myself easily finagling a series of events that at the beginning of this deployment would have tripped me up and ruined my attitude for the day.

I mentioned an emotional strengthening as well. When it came to emotions, my husband was that rock solid wall that I could run to with any emotion I was feeling and could spatter it out against his strength knowing he could take it and it would not topple him. In his absence, I have had to turn more often to the Lord first rather than him (I usually found myself at His throne eventually but sometimes my first place to go was hubby). I have also had to work through some tough emotions on my own without his listening ear and guidance. I wish that I could say that I burdened my husband very little with the cares and worries of home while he was away, but I fear they were brought to his attention more times than I would probably care to remember. He lovingly told me each time that he didn't mind listening to me and cared about each concern I was having. He would even venture to offer wisdom and suggestions. But it was up to me to do the hard task of steadying myself and wading through the emotional waters I encountered. I am proud of the job I have done this year. Not proud in an idolatrous way. It's more that I am satisfied with the job I have done this year. I know the time is soon coming when I will be able to take a deep breath, "rest", and look back on this and be pleased.

My husband and I joke with each other that things were going well in our marriage until we separated for a year. In all seriousness, another conclusion I (we) have come to is the irony that our marriage has never grown so much in the past 11 years as it did this year we were apart. It forced us to grow, to adapt, to look for new ways of keeping our love alive. To focus on the things we love and miss about each other. We were deprived of the physical pleasures of marriage which made us seek to speak the other's love language even more. My husband loved on me diligently with "words of affirmation", which I deeply crave. My challenge was to find different ways to love him through physical touch (his #1 love language) which I did through care packages and "touching" him each day through e-mail communication. The #2 love language for both of us is quality time, so a phone call every day met both of our needs. We have now put down roots on different and deeper levels and I look forward to seeing the health and life that will bring to our relationship once we are back under the same roof.

I recently read an article on "Independence in Marriage". The gist of it was that a woman can be strong and independent and still submit in a godly way to her husband. The article's title got me thinking on the independence in our marriage. What the Army has taken our marriage through is a messed-up myriad of weirdness. Two people, deeply in love, forced to live apart, living independent lives full of difficult choices they must bear, yet at their very core they are inseparable by a covenant made before God and man. Good thing that our God is sovereign, hmmm?

Looking ahead and behind

I'm posting a few pics today of our life here. My beloved gave me a new camera (just because :) and I'm still getting used to using it. I'm also still getting used to actually having to take a card out of the camera, pop it into the computer, wait for it to load, edit the picture, and then upload it. Yes, I am an iPhone user and boy, do they spoil us! But I digress...

TOTALLY staged!

The REAL D :)

The future:Today I took our son to get his kindergarten vaccines, a rite of passage of sorts. I can hardly believe that I am sending the baby boy that I just gave birth to last week to KINDERGARTEN! I understand that most moms make a big deal out of this whole "starting school" deal, doing things such as taking bookoodles of pictures the morning of their first day and shedding tears all the way to their classroom and all the way back home. Not me. I'm starting 3 months early. Moms, let the pitiful whining begin!

The past:And as for the Army? They have had my beloved for 290 of their 365 days…not that anyone's counting {whistle, whistle…} I'm not usually one to complain, but…Okay, wait. Let me rephrase that. I'm not usually one to complain OUTSIDE OF MY HEAD. The Lord is mighty to save in many ways, including saving me from letting many of the negative thoughts I frequently chase around up there slip out of my mouth! I have tried to be positive and focus on the good during this past year. But in order to be transparent and real, I'd like to state for the record that doing this thing that so many military wives are called to do is HARD. There, I said it. Lest you be deceived by my humor and normally cheery disposition, I am letting it be known that the days of doing life alone are hard, and the nights alone are even harder. But that is not the bad news. No, that is what's good. How, you might ask? I challenge you to find one book or story from the Bible, one character from within its pages that tells of anything but God working wonders during, in spite of, and through all kinds of adversity, trials, and suffering. He is TRULY working all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

It's all about perspective

Our family? We are missionaries, even if nontraditionally . We moved a couple of years ago to a place where the need for ministry was greatest and where God saw fit to place our family. We quickly settled in, getting to know the people and the culture surrounding us. About the time our ministry was in full-swing, God called us to another level of ministry. It was a place that was so dangerous that only my husband was permitted to go. It was inadvisable for family to go and we were forbidden to accompany him. So we stayed behind while he ventured out into dangerous territory...all for the sake of advancing the gospel amongst these people we had been called to share Christ's love with. The kids and I continued the work at our mission field while my husband made strides on his. The separation was long and hard but finally when the work he set out to do had been completed, my husband came home and we were once again reunited as a family. It was through the separation and constant threat of danger that God used us to advance His Kingdom on the mission field He'd called us to.

This is our story as a Chaplain family in the U.S. Army. But it could be any military family's story who has committed to our country's defense and accepted God's leading in their lives. Surprised? You shouldn't be. Its all about perspective. As my favorite Chaplain likes to preach, you don't have to be a preacher to minister! God has called each of us to a specific purpose and has gifted us with certain talents. He desires us to use them for His Kingdom - even if that means you're a helicopter mechanic or a medic...or a Mom! You can further the cause of Christ by being the best at what He's called you to AND spreading the message of Jesus along your way -- which for the military can be some pretty unique and far-off places! And as for us? We're still waiting for that beautiful reunion...which is coming up fast! :)

Auto-pilot

3 months and 2 weeks. That's all we have left in this deployment. It seems so short, and yet sometimes it lingers. There is a light at the end of this tunnel...and it's NOT a train! I was reading back through some of my earlier posts during this deployment. And I must admit that my "fresh legs" at the start of this journey are weary. My sharp and keen mindset has become clouded and fuzzy. My enduring spirit has wavered from time to time. I had dreams and plans (many of which were unrealistic, I'm sure…yeah, I'm prone to do that, just ask Chaplain) for this deployment that seemed amiable and well-intentioned…and still do. But now I feel that in some ways I am on auto-pilot and this is now just about survival. I think what I am feeling and experiencing is normal, but I am treading with caution – for I don't want to miss any of the beautiful sights the Lord has for us along the way while my "cruise control" is on. On a lighter note, I was thinking to myself today (okay, maybe talking…out loud…to myself. Do not judge meJ) "We have been at this for 9 months now and seems like it's time for something to be birthed, er somethin'!" Just tryin' ta keep it light!

To my sweet boy…you have endured this hardship as a soldier. And still you have yet to come to the place where you have worked through and accepted it. As of late you seem so discontented, restless, unsettled. I long to see you satisfied and at peace. I wish I had the words to speak deep into your soul and tell you, "Daddy is coming home. Soon. All is well, you are loved." But alas, words are not enough for you right now. Each day you are on the prowl for "bad guys" at our house. You dress in your Army ACU's and your PT duds like a faithful soldier. If I give you one of something, you ask for two. If I suggest left, you insist right. You long to be the leader amongst your peers and you have a voice which you demand be heard. I too wish someone would whisper into my soul as well, telling me how to best love you and be to you what Daddy can't right now. So I place you into the hands of the capable Father, who watches over you night and day. Who sees your restless heart and knows your frustrations. He alone can satisfy the longings of your heart. He alone can protect you from the bad guys. And He alone can make you into the man you'll grow to be someday. I love you with all the motherly love within me, son. The times we have spent together doing projects, making crafts, cooking Jello Jigglers, reading Bible stories, building Lincoln Logs are like nuggets of gold, a value that will only increase with the years.

To my darling girl…you look like an angel! But I'm sorry to say that you often don't act like one. It is nothing that time won't fix, for you are nearing the dreaded two's. And those nasty colds which plague you often make you oh-so-cranky. You love your brother and can say his name with perfect speech. He is the first thing on your mind in the mornings and you call for him to come eat at our breakfast table. You are capable of SO many big girl feats, but you love to stretch your arms straight up to me – the signal to "hold me!" You seem less affected by Daddy's absence, but you are the first to point him out in any picture in our home. You are a joy to dress each day and your hair is your crowning glory. Not a day goes by that you don't touch my heart and make me smile. I find myself staring at you sometimes because you are truly beautiful. Anytime I plop down you see my lap as fair game for sitting. And you are deliciously ticklish. I think you have your daddy's arms, for those triceps did NOT come from me. When I drop you off at chapel or mother's-morning-out, you enter the room, turn around to give me a hug and kiss, and then turn back to your friends. Thank you for sparing me the Separation Anxiety Phase. That is incredibly sweet of you. And I mean that. I love you too with all my motherly love, lovely one.

Y'all, I know I'm prejudiced, but come on…SHE'S CUTE!!

J walked the dogs today...and other adventurous Army tales

Sugar and Spice, and everything nice, eh? Well this li'l girl of ours is more in line with the "puppy dog tails" portion of the opposite gender's nursery rhyme. J walked the dogs today. Yep, our 19 (soon to be 20) month old gal took those puppers for a stroll. Or at least she thought she was. Most of the way on our twice-around-the-block walk, this was the sight before me.

That's right - she was holding BOTH of them at the same time. And just chatting up a storm to those dogs; no doubt telling them what for and which way to go. I always keep the dogs clipped to my stroller as we walk, but in her mind I'm sure she thought she had those dogs under her complete control! We stopped for a picture, at which time she promptly let go of the leashes, but it made for a great picture anyways. (For those of you wondering, big brother was at preschool for the morning :) ♪Isn't she lovely? ♪ Army life: the two worst parts about it are the double D's -- Deployments and Departures (of friends, that is). And while we are undoubtedly in the midst of the former, we have experienced much of the latter last week as well. Three families moved away from our street within a few days time, all of which had kids of whom mine are fond. Sadness. But as a parting gift, a couple of them offered me the "remains" of their grocery goods. You know, the stuff movers won't box because they can't or because it's been opened? So, wow! Without going to the commissary, I ended up with a fridge, freezer, and pantry FULL of new and different grocery items! Needless to say, meals around here have been a little different, but fun and a nice change of pace. Just one of those neat quirks about life on post. Praying the Lord brings us nice new families with playful kids!

Blissssss....

I am writing to you from heaven. No, I haven't died. And I'm not literally writing from beyond the pearly gates. But this sure feels like heaven. We have made it past the half-way mark of this year-long deployment and around that time usually comes R&R!!! Woohooo! Prase.The.Lord! Chaplain arrived nearly 2 weeks ago and we have relished every second with him. (I know, I know, some of you are thinking "Why in the world are you on your blog when your man is HOME?!?! In my defense, he is having a little techno time getting his iTouch up to par for the next 5 months while our precious angels take a nap. This equates to Mommy blog time :)

My mind had rehearsed the scene of how our reunion would go, complete with 2 little dressed up kids and a Welcome Home poster. That's pretty much what happened except that we were about 10 minutes late to the airport so there was no dramatic "Here comes the plane!!!" moment. Oh, well. It was lovely enough, and we did not leave disappointed. Jordan wanted to observe her Dad from a short distance while Dylan ran to him and jumped into his arms immediately. It was an awesome moment and is filed in our memory bank for all time.

My husband and I decided to spend about a week at home before we went off for a romantic rendezvous, allowing him time to adjust to a new time zone and giving the kids alot of one on one attention. Then he and I spent a couple of nights at this place http://www.groveparkinn.com/Leisure/

And WOW, was it beautiful.

With Dylan's birthday being the day after he leaves, Daddy wanted to make sure his boy had something grand to remember him buy. So...

...what better to buy than A NEW TRUCK! Yes, he is in love with it :)

And as for our littlest angel, she has quickly figured out who to go to for comfort. Tim and I were both concerned that she might not remember him and we have prayed for a sweet reunion. Looks like He answered! The Lord has provided us with unseasonably warm and gorgeous weather which our family has been enjoying very much. What a blessed time God has given us and what a lovely gift R&R has proven to be! Thank you, Heavenly Father!

Time marches on

So much has transpired since my last post...namely TIME! Hallelujah for that one! We are one week shy of the 4 month mark. Now for those of you who are not math-savvy, that is 1/3 of the way through our year, or 33.33%! Ohhhh yeah!

October was full of autumn events like a pumpkin patch trip, trunk-or-treating, and a fire station trip. The weekend of Halloween this crazy mamma did a trunk-or-treat on Friday night, trick-or-treating on Saturday night, followed by another trunk-or-treat on Sunday after church. Whaaaa?!?!? What was I thinking?! Needless to say I was taaaarrred and never so excited to see a Monday in my whole life! I have got some work to do with my four year old, though, for next year. He quickly lost interest in collecting candy at each of our outings and instead opted to put himself whole heartedly to the task of being "in character" as Bibleman. What is that about??

Oh, and baby boy, Mamma needs more chocolate next year.

Veteran's Day weekend I had the great opportunity to spend several days with 1300 lovely ladies ( 42 of which I know alot better than I did before!) in Dallas, TX at the PWOC conference. So many great workshops were offered each day along with incredible worship session (led by none other than Kari Jobe!) and inspiring messages (by the talented Priscilla Shirer). It was such a refreshing and spiritually renewing time with the Lord for me. It could not have come at better time for me in this deployment. It was so nice to be there in all of that atmosphere and sense God's presence in a might way. It is amazing what the Lord can speak when we have the chance to break away from the day to day clutter and noise of life! And I rediscovered the joy of getting up when I wanted to and having the time to do my hair AND my make-up...in the same day! Oh. so. marvelous. Many thanks to Mom and Dad for covering the babysitting duties while I partook of this soul-nurturing event.

As a side note, for those of you out there just beginning in this Army life or thinking about "jumping in", I have to say that the top two things that have blessed me the most are living on post and becoming a part of PWOC. If you have an opportunity to do one or both, please take the chance. The people you will meet and the sense of community that you will gain on post are priceless. The ladies at PWOC provide an almost instant connection, since nearly everyone is in the same military "boat". You will have something in common with everyone there. Okay, informercial over!

My kids continue to do well, despite living day to day with Daddy on another continent. We just came through a rough time behaviorally with my son. God is no doubt teaching him things as well through this time of separation. My prayer is that God uses this to give my son a larger world-view...that God is more than just our God here in America...that He has a presence in places very, very far away...and that He reigns supreme over all nations and tongues. I also pray that God uses this to give my son a deeper faith even at his young age. As a child of a deployed servicemember, my son is having to trust God with things many kids never will. What an opportunity for the Lord to do a mighty work in his little life! And my daughter? She's just plain CUTE and smitten with her daddy! She thinks the Skype sound is Daddy's personal ringtone...and she LOVES to kiss his picture on her nightstand. I'm praying that he will stay a vivid image in her mind throughout this year. So far, he is.

And in that place of dust and mountains across the globe, the Lord is faithfully keeping my husband safe and secure. His ministry is active and his contacts are frequent. His travel is also quite frequent... which makes for one nervous yet prayed-up wife! He has been traveling at least once a week (by convoy) to different regions to see all of his solders and offer them his religious support. We have had casualties. Not within our battalion, but with in our brigade. Heartbreaking nonetheless. So far we have lost 2 brave warriors. Precious souls to the King of kings. As I sat breathless at one of the memorial services, I couldn't help but breathe a prayer that God would give our chaplains a bountiful harvest of souls, that none of these lives taken in battle would be taken by THE enemy. I am so proud of the job that my husband is doing and so thankful that he is "at home in his element".

And now, the holidays are upon us, which will no doubt make time fly even faster. I am going to try to figure out the mystery of savoring each moment and this time with my kids while still trying to speed up the clock to February! Speaking of math, that sounds like an equation for NASA!

Just another day in Army life...

"Army life is a tough life." You will hear that from time to time, and there are times that it is very true. Countless nights in a lonely bed, drying tears of children who miss Daddy, worrying about a loved one's safety...to name a few. But then there are other occasions that are just darn fun and cool. Today was one of those occasions. The Billy Graham Association sponsored an event called "Rock The Fort" here on post. It was kind of like a fair, kind of like a concert...and it was free! There was great "fair" food, plenty of bounce houses, a craft tent, as well as a huge concert stage where some great Christian bands would play. But the highlight of the day was when my 2 kiddos got to watch the Golden Knights parachute down and land less than 100 ft in front of us. Talk about thrilling! My 4 year old couldn't take his eyes off of those paratroopers! And when it was over? Well, he asked me if they could do it again, of course!! It was truly a spectacular sight to see, the precision and grace that those men and women possess as they steathily glide down to earth! I was struck by how absolutely quiet their descent was. It was easy to see how they could invade enemy territory without causing a stir. Ask a kid what they did on any given Saturday and many will say they had a soccer game or went to the mall. My kids? Watched the Golden Knights live in living color! Just another day in Army life!!

7 weeks down...

Whoa...I blinked and 7 weeks of this deployment passed me by. Life has been hectic & crazy at times, so blogging has not been on my radar screen. Changing diapers, disciplining kids, maintaining my outlets of ministry, and personal Bible Study have been lighting up my radar screen. Yes, Bible Study. It is a committment that I made to the Lord during this deployment -- to faithfully study His Word and present all my cares to Him in prayer. It has been a life line to my soul. However, this has meant letting alot of other "things" go that I would like to be doing...like blogging. But, I believe in the end God will bless my efforts as I see the fruit that His Word brings about in my life. On the husband-front, Chaplain is doing well. He always sound so positive and upbeat, despite what I know is going on over there (all the yucky, unpleasant stuff of war). He told me the other day that except for missing me and the kids, he is loving it over there...mostly because, he said, "I feel like I am exactly where the Lord wants me to be doing exactly what he created me to do." Wow, talk about comfort for me! Thank you, God, for this. Today, I was doing mundane task #541 of the day...which happened to be surface-wiping in my kitchen...and I came to my trash can, which looked totally GROSS on the outside. There were drip stains, coffee grounds, kid drool, and general food stains on it. While I know it is a TRASH can, I still didn't think it should look nasty on the outside, so I began to wipe it down. That's when the still small voice of the Holy Spirit spoke directly to my soul. I heard him say, "Jennifer, this is how so many people live their lives." The verses "There is no one righteous, not even one (Romans 3:10)..." and "All our righteous acts are as filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6)..." came rushing to mind. God reminded me that all of us are trash heaps on the inside, stinking and dirty from within. And yet look at how much time and effort we put into cleaning the outside of our trash cans! No matter how glamorous the outside of our can looks, there will never be righteousness inside...apart from Christ. The rubbish and stench will still be there, even if the outside gets wiped down with disinfectant. What needs fixing is within, a matter of the heart. Let Christ transform you from the inside out, by imparting His righteousness to you through His death and resurrection. Even as born-again believers, we can sometimes allow the trash to sneak back in as unconfessed sin lingers like a “fishy” odor in our lives. Jesus spoke strongly against the hypocrisy of a beautiful outside but ugly inside when he was talking to the religious leaders in Matthew 23:27-28. He said to them “You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean. 28In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness”. I love the vivid imagery Jesus uses with the phrase “whitewashed tombs”. A little research on this revealed that tombs were whitewashed in order to make them more visible. This kept the Jews from stepping on or stumbling over them as the journeyed. Truly, this was an act done by the pharisees to get noticed. When we find ourselves looking like a whitewashed tomb, we need to humble ourselves and seek His forgiveness…asking Him to once again clean us up on the inside and fill us up instead with Him. Then, what is of value in us won't be dependent upon how we look or perform, but upon the perfect salvation given as a gift from the Father. One look at us and God will have to do a double take to see if that was us He saw or Christ! So, don't worry about the can, let's take out the trash!!

A marathon, not a sprint

My life as a happily married single Mom has begun. We are now located in our new abode and ALMOST all the boxes are unpacked. All except for a few in Chaplain's study/our guest room. And, no offense baby, but they are not a pressing matter. Rest assured that they will get unpacked long before your R&R. The move was not as tough as the last one, but somewhere in the midst of it all I remembered that I was 6 months pregnant for our last one. That made a HUGE difference in my energy level. My mom was so gracious to come and stay for nearly 2 weeks as we packed up, moved over, and unpacked. The kids and I are really enjoying this new home; the extra space is wonderful! My son can turn cartwheels and do flips and I do not have to fuss for fear of him running into something or things getting knocked over. I am trying to figure out what our new day-to-day routine will be in this new house. It is taking some getting used to having a second story. I have to stop and think, "Okay, I'm going downstairs now...what do I need to take with me first. Hmmm." But what a blessing!!! The kids and I both are still adjusting to life without Daddy. The immediate severe pain of separation was fortunately short-lived thanks, I belive, to faithful prayer warriors and the power of God. We have had SO many people in our lives praying, sending cards, giving encouraging words that it has unbelievably overwhelmed me. Praise God for people with a heart for loving on military families! Tim is doing well; surviving the unbearable heat over there and building up relationships with his comrades. He always sounds so positive when we talk on the phone and seems to feel very comfortable that he is exactly where the Lord created him to be. That in and of itself is SO comforting. The Lord is ministering to me on a continual basis each day, staying close to me through thoughts and silent whisperings in my ear. He is speaking to me through His word and prayer is constantly on my lips. I was thinking recently about what kind of wife/mother I want to be...I don't mean just for today, but the legacy I want to leave. Especially with this (and possibly other?) deployments in our future, my kids are going to be spending ALOT of time with just me and my husband will be going through times of just knowing me from afar. So, how can I impact their lives in the biggest way? Of course, one of the first Biblical thoughts that came to mind was the Proverbs 31 woman. Upon reading this famous passage again, it became clearly to me that she could very well be the wife of a deployed soldier! I mean, take a second look... v. 15 "She gets up while it is still dark, she provides food for her family" She has to get a shower before the kids get up at 0'dark-thirty. And ain't nobody else there to cook for those babies! v. 16 "She considers a field and buys it" Why else on earth would a married woman make a decision like real estate without her husband, except he be deployed! v.18 "her lamp does not go out at night" Oh yeah, she has pulled all-nighters with her workload. v. 23 "Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land." Her man makes her proud and he has earned respect in what he does, enough so that he is counted amongst the greats...sounds like a soldier to me! So I think I REALLY have a kindred spirit in this marvelous lady! But back to my desire for impact, my longing for legacy...there are a few verses in this passsage that I pray can one day be said about me. (She had 21 verses written about her; I'd be okay with just 3 or 4!) First, I pray that this year verse 11 and 12 are foremost in my husbands mind (if not his mouth).

"Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life."

May my children see verse 26 in me.

"She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue."

For myself and those who watch me run this race, verse 17.

"She sets about her work vigorously, her arms are strong for her tasks."

And to my God, creator of heaven and earth, my redeemer and Father, may he see that as in verse 25...

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, she can laugh at the days to come"

She is not anxious for what lies ahead, but she finds joy in her circumstances. There is one thing I have often been reminded of these past 3 weeks: This journey called deployment is a marathon, not a sprint.

A year begins…

Deployed. Down-range. In theater. These are all terms the Army uses to describe that time when men go off to war. I dislike the term "in theater" because this is anything BUT an act or a show. I also don't like "deployed" because I picture little green men catapulting across a living room floor (I don't know why). I guess down-range sounds better; kinda makes it sound like they are just on-post down at the range. Takes a little of the sting out of it. I guess I prefer to call the whole situation "ouch"…'cause it hurts, oh-so-much.

My Chaplain-soldier left earlier this week and it has truly been the hardest week of my life. Nothing major has gone awry, but the pain of separation has at times been unbearable. He will likely be gone for 12 months, which is unfathomable at this point. We are taking it one day at a time. We have been blessed to hear from Chaplain often as he has been in an adjoining country awaiting a flight to his ultimate destination. The days before and just after he left were painful. It felt emotionally and mentally like someone was ripping off my right arm. I know no other way to describe it. BUT GOD…who is faithful. BUT GOD…who is rich in mercy is carrying us through. I know that sounds trite and simplistic and over-used. But it is so true for me this week! God has been caring for me in a way I can't describe. He has been my rock, my NEW right arm, a fortress to me, a shield. He has brought me hope every day, in one way or another. I have been faithful to His word and prayer and He has been faithful to meet me there and make it worth every second.

My husband is doing well, so far. He has already held a prayer meeting, and they haven't even made it to their FOB (forward operating base) yet! Go God! The next phase for him will be settling into another new time zone, establishing their position on base and beginning his spiritual ministry to the troops in his unit. Our next phase will be moving…yep, without my husband! The Army has graciously offered us a 1000+ square foot increase in our housing and we will take it! So glad Mama is on her way! (Love ya, MamaJ )

Casing of the colors

Today our family had the opportunity to attend my husband's unit's "Casing of the colors" ceremony, which most army units/brigades do in preparation for deployment. It was a well-attended ceremony held at our brigade's parade field. Many of the soldiers from all of the units in our brigade were out in formation in the field. The commanding general for Fort Bragg was also in attendance. "Casing the colors" involves calling the soldiers from each unit to attention, having them inspected by the brigade commander, and then packaging up the flags in preparation for movement to their deployment location. Upon their arrival, the colors will then be displayed again while the units carry on their mission downrange. This highly traditional ceremony was a great way to give a tangible, visual element to what probably seems to our son like a theoretical deployment. The pictures below are from this event. Notice how the flag is unfurled in the first picture and encased in the second. Longing for the day to see that flag unfurl again on American soil!!

D-D-Deployment

Deployment. It's the "D" word in the Army. Not for everyone, but for most spouses it is. Ours first is looming just around the corner. We are past the 30 day mark. What does it feel like? Like a highly-anticipated, long-dreaded visit from that relative you hoped you'd never have to meet or see again. But you know he/she is coming, so you'd better prepare. That's what we've been doing. Everything from Living Wills to Power of Attorneys to Advanced Directives. The Army was kind enough to give us 2 weeks of "Block Leave" with their blessing and encouragement to spend time with family. We (minus the baby) chose to spend half of our Leave at Disney World. This was a fantastically phenomenal experience and will be a well-spring of memories during the long months ahead. The trip itself, the sights and sounds, the smells, the time…will all serve to bind us closer together and will impress into our minds perhaps for a lifetime. And now we are in the season of "lasts" and goodbyes. Last haircuts, last bills paid, last fill-ups, last road trips. And not just for me. My husband has begun to do it to. I see him stopping to study pictures he's passed a thousand times before. I see him savoring our smiles and laughter. I "caught" him going through all of the pictures on his i-Touch yesterday, just reminiscing about each face and place in them. Every hug we share speaks in unspoken terms "I love you and I will miss you. Not too many more hugs left before…". We are at the point of thinking, "Who really wants to fight about socks on the floor or hairs in the shower when soon there will be no one to fight with? Just let it roll…" Having grown up in an area of the country prone to tornados, this eerily feels like the "calm before the storm". My goal here is to be transparent, not portray hopelessness. These feelings are normal and affect most people in our scenario. I share them on the basis that they will help others know that what they are going through is common and help them not feel guilty or alienated. Trust me, God is in this, through this, under this, all around this. But it is a process of emotions that must be worked through. My goal is to journal as much as I can along this new journey, in order to help myself, preserve my memories, and most importantly to help others.

StrongBonds -- Myrtle Beach

Tim put together a StrongBonds retreat for his battalion over the weekend and I was blessed to be able to be apart of it. The location was great (Myrtle Beach) but the weather was non-cooperative. Thank goodness Myrtle Beach has alot of other great attractions to see. If you don't know about StrongBonds, it is a program that the Army funds and the Chaplains run with the mission of strengthening families, marriages, and single soldiers (who will one day be having marriages and families of their own). One of the ways the StrongBonds program is carried out is through retreats that are hosted away from Post and usually in nice locations. This particular retreat we focused on the PREP course (relationship enrichment and problem solving) and had 10 couples (plus kids) with us. These retreats are one of the biggest ways I have been enabled to be apart of Tim's ministry. He allows me to teach with him (on the curriculum that I am certified in) and we also --hopefully-- model what a healthy family/marriage looks like. Quite frequently I get good feedback from the wives, and husbands at times, on presenting things from a woman's point of view. As a "Words of Affirmation" person, this goes a long way for me to know that I am on the right track. It was such a blessing for me to be able to do this and for us be there with our kids.

Life goes on...

Many, many times over the last month I have wanted to just sit down and blog. Call me nerdy, but it is therapeutic for me. It makes me organize my life (or at least my thoughts about it) and helps me trace God's hand through all the ups and downs. Alas, I have not done so as of late. BUT...I have done alot of other things. I feel like I am at a place where I am caught up (at least for the moment! :) in life. My sweet Jordan is in a stable routine and my baby boy has recenty turned 4!!! We are have adjusted to the dynamics of being a family of four and the fluidity of our day-to-day routine. And so, now to catch up...

The Lord is doing great things in the life of the Raburns and is taking better care of us than we deserve. This semester I began a Bible Study entitled "Sacred Marriage" (based off of the book by Gary Thomas). It is an incredibly indepth book that has more to do with our relationship to the Lord than our spouse...but the kicker is that when that "vertical" relationship improves, so does the "horizontal" one. The more of this book I read, the better I understand my husband and the deeper in love I grow with him...and the more disenchanted I become with myself, or who I think I am. God is using this study to remind me what a great "catch" I have in Tim, to put my marrital relationship in its place, and to increase my reliance on God alone. And in the process, Tim and I are growing closer together. Learning and improving from past mistakes and looking with guarded anticipation at our upcoming deployment, we are holding tight to each other but resting in the arms of Christ. Lord, please continue your work in my life, prune this bushy tree, chisel this gnarled wood, sculpt this lumpy clay...may our marriage reflect the selfless love and unashamed redemption Jesus has for his bride, the body of Christ.

In late January, two big milestones occured.

1. 
   
   My birthday (praise the Lord for another year of life, but not going to discuss which year of life :)




2. 
   
   Jordan began eating solids

As her 6 month birthday approached, I began introducing cereals into her diet. She took one bite of rice cereal and NEVER looked back. She is a foodie, for sure!! Jordan would and does put every food substance she can get her hands on into her mouth. After trying out several cereals, we moved onto vegies and fruits. I can't really say that we have any favorites, because she LOVES them all! My dear sweet husband bought me a Beaba Babycook appliance (thanks, babe!) and I love it. I can make traditional baby food (pureed) or I can take a little of whatever I'm fixing for us and fix it (basically blend/chop it) up for her. I don't have to buy jars of food (unless we travel or I just want to) and I can make everything fresh for her. She eats at the table when we eat and still nurses about 4 times a day. Jordan goes down for bed between 7:30 and 8pm and wakes up around 7:00 or 7:15am. She rarely, if ever, wakes up in the night (thank you, Lord!) and takes 2 (sometimes 3) naps a day. After MONTHS of teething, finally 2 little pearlie whites appeard on her lower gums on March 2nd. No, I have not been bit yet, but I think that may be because her bottom teeth are covered by her teeth when she nurses. I am cautiously awaiting the arrival of the top teeth :)

Jordan, you continue to be such a joy to our family. You bring so much happiness to our family. Your brother can make you laugh like no one else can. Your smile can light up any room. And your daddy says that the only person on earth with blue eyes prettier than you is me! I love being your mom and I love the fact that God gave daddy and I the privelege of parenting you into a gody woman. You are a beautiful, healthy baby. At your last doctor's visit you were 15 lbs 10 oz and 24.5 inches long. Grow, baby, grow! As of right now, you can roll over with ease, sit up for 30 seconds to a minute and grasp things with one or two hands. You can push up on your belly and lift your head WAY up. Daddy says you are very "vocal", but I know that's just you growing into your womanly ability to talk! Your hair is a dark blonde (light brown) and you have no birth marks, that I've found anyways!

As I mentioned, Dylan recently turned 4. He had a super-fun birthday party at the on-post bowling alley, done up Cowboy style! A few of his closest friends (yes, mostly girls:) were there and we had a delightful time. I have been praying for early salvation (in childhood) for Dylan since before he was even born. Week-in and week-out since his birth, he has head he gospel in some form or fashion. Now, Tim and I are beginning to hear him ask some very probing and serious questions about spirituality, heaven, and the Lord. Nothing else thrills me like that does. To know that his heart is already turning to the things of God is amazing. He is still 100% boy, and without a doubt, a strong-willed one at that. He ALWAYS has a better idea than mine and would LOVE to push his agenda on anyone. For Christmas he received a Toy Story scooter and that has been a favorite toy as of lately. He likes to imagine that he is lightening fast on it and asks me to say "On your mark, get set, go!!" as he races down our sidewalk.

I was recently thinking about how many negatives I hear regularly about the Army and its life. So, instead I compiled a list of:

Things I love about being "Army"

1. 
   
   My kids get to pass by the "Iron Mike" statue everytime we go to Bible Study and AWANA...and are reminded of those who are making sacrifices all around them for this country. (Click here for an Iron Mike link)


2. 
   
   My 4 year-old has an understanding that there are more countries on this planet than just ours...and can say "Afghanistan".


3. 
   
   Seeing Old Glory at least a dozen different places in our own neighborhood


4. 
   
   STILL feeling a tear at the sound of The National Anthem


5. 
   
   Being called a dependent (I do need you, honey) and being told I have a sponsor (show me the money!)


6. 
   
   You never know when you might be able to see paratroopers from your front yard!


7. 
   
   ID checks are NO BIG DEAL...and being saluted at never gets old!


8. 
   
   Two words: dependable employment


9. 
   
   The AMAZING commissary saving$


10. 
    
    Tax breaks!


11. 
    
    Seeing firsthand the dedication and commitment in the eyes of America's greatest warriors

What it’s like

From time to time, I have become aware that there are those who are following my blog. This is truly a humbling thing that floors me. I write not to have followers, but to journal and capture our journey as it comes and goes. The Lord has called us to this ministry of Chaplaincy and I want to faithfully tell our story. My hope is that those who are considering this lifestyle will find my words helpful, full of hope, and heartfelt. There is a link on my blog site that will allow you to jump back to the beginning of our story …to get the full picture. But, let me attempt to "nutshell" it for those who are considering the Chaplaincy as a career. {I use the male pronouns by default; I understand that there are some female Chaplains in the military}. What is required of an Active Duty Chaplain is a seminary degree and at least 2 years of experience in the ministry, among many other physical requirements. A Chaplain will also have to have an endorsement from his faith group that states he is capable of adhering to the doctrines and principles of his faith group. (Basically, he's a good guy and stands by his stuff). The next step would be getting accepted into the Army as a Chaplain. This involves submitting A LOT of paperwork to the Accessions Board and then waiting…and waiting…and waiting. (If you are at this point, DON'T get discouraged!). Once the Chaplain is accepted (by the way, while there was once a critical shortage amongst Army Chaplains, statistics show that number is nearly back up to necessary levels) the Accessions Board will notify him of his start date for what is called CH-BOLC (Chaplain Basic Officer Leadership Course). Currently, it is held at Ft Jackson, SC. It will be up to the Chaplain to be sworn in prior to beginning to CH-BOLC, which lasts for 3 months. After completion of CH-BOLC, he will be assigned to a Post and that's when things get real.

Whew!....That is truly a nutshell version and if you are considering Chaplaincy I encourage you to read back through my blog segments for more details. The first year is truly a transitional blur for the Chaplain and his family – just trying to get bearings down and boxes unpacked. We have been in for 1 year now and Tim has been with his Military Intelligence battalion now for nearly 9 months, the first 6 of which were just trying to find which way is up, meeting faces and learning names, and figuring out how to do this "thing" which is the Chaplaincy. For the kids and I, the last 9 months have been about trying to put down deep roots fast. Finding our niche and our routine, all while supporting our Chaplain and his ministry in any way we can. While a Chaplain is in Garrison (i.e., stationed at home), his job duties will include A LOT of counseling and A LOT of meetings, as well as trying to get a plug in for all things spiritual wherever he can. Another unique duty is conducting the Strong Bonds retreats. These are Army funded get-a-ways designed to build and strengthen marriages and families, as well as build and strengthen single soldiers mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and morally. This has been my main connection with Tim's ministry so far, outside of keeping him fed and his clothes clean J

For the kids and I, we have found military life very agreeable. We live in a nice but small house in a great neighborhood. We have good neighbors, many of which we know well and are our same "boat". One good thing about Army life in post is that you always have something in common with your neighbor. Our neighborhood has a nice activity center with a great pool. There are many activities, events, and opportunities that my kids and I are involved in. Currently, the Army is changing things up in our neighborhood and they are going to relocate us into a larger (2000 sq ft!) 2-story house in the near future. What a blessing!!

I don't say all that to make light of the challenges that exist. We have NOT been through a deployment yet and do not know what that is like. I can only imagine the hardships that lie within those 12+ months of separation. But I have chosen to believe with all my heart that God has a plan and a purpose for my existence during the months of deployment that lie ahead of us. Just as God has purposed Tim's steps as a Chaplain and has great things in store for his time in Afghanistan, so He has for me on this side of the world. I also have to believe that God is going to give me the tools and resources I need to face each challenge that he ordains to come my way while Tim is deployed. I pray I can look for the 'help' he will bring me through each difficulty and use that as an opportunity to trace His hand in my life. God will not be watching from afar saying, "Well, you're husband is gone now. Let's see how you'll handle this!" Believing His words are true, I am trusting that He hasn't and will never leave or forsake me.

I would love to speak write/to any of you who may have questions/concerns about the Chaplaincy. I welcome your comments through my blog or my e-mail.

Red/White/Blue

While attending an Army formal affair for my husband's battalion where many soldiers and their spouses were in attendance, I was privileged to observe something that captivated me. In keeping with tradition the ceremony included the posting of the colors. As the color guard began their journey, all in attendance immediately jumped to their feet, standing straight and tall. Each eye was fixed on the flag as it made its way through the room. Their gaze was steady yet revered. They seemed to hold their breath, waiting with anticipation until those precious colors had come to rest and silently presided over the evening's events. Such esteem, such respect is seldom observed anymore. Yet on this night it flowed with ease, practiced and rehearsed many times before. Before me each soldier in attendance was dressed in the best they had, looking stunning and decorated. While the drum roll played, I tried imagining them in their field uniforms in the midst of battle, covered with dirt and debris, fatigued and home-sick. While the two sights stood in stark contrast to each other, one thing was constant. The same soldiers who watched unfailingly until the flag was posted at the head of this ballroom would watch unfailingly over it in a time of war as well – making sure that all it stood for was upheld, guarded, preserved, and protected. They had dedicated themselves to those colors and would not rest until they were properly defended and held high world-wide for all to see that this is STILL they land of the free and the home of the brave. America's military, thank you for teaching and reminding us what dedication means, what selflessness is, and what it means to "…more than self [your] country love…".