Wednesday, July 7, 2010

D-D-Deployment


Deployment. It's the "D" word in the Army. Not for everyone, but for most spouses it is. Ours first is looming just around the corner. We are past the 30 day mark. What does it feel like? Like a highly-anticipated, long-dreaded visit from that relative you hoped you'd never have to meet or see again. But you know he/she is coming, so you'd better prepare. That's what we've been doing. Everything from Living Wills to Power of Attorneys to Advanced Directives. The Army was kind enough to give us 2 weeks of "Block Leave" with their blessing and encouragement to spend time with family. We (minus the baby) chose to spend half of our Leave at Disney World. This was a fantastically phenomenal experience and will be a well-spring of memories during the long months ahead. The trip itself, the sights and sounds, the smells, the time…will all serve to bind us closer together and will impress into our minds perhaps for a lifetime. And now we are in the season of "lasts" and goodbyes. Last haircuts, last bills paid, last fill-ups, last road trips. And not just for me. My husband has begun to do it to. I see him stopping to study pictures he's passed a thousand times before. I see him savoring our smiles and laughter. I "caught" him going through all of the pictures on his i-Touch yesterday, just reminiscing about each face and place in them. Every hug we share speaks in unspoken terms "I love you and I will miss you. Not too many more hugs left before…". We are at the point of thinking, "Who really wants to fight about socks on the floor or hairs in the shower when soon there will be no one to fight with? Just let it roll…" Having grown up in an area of the country prone to tornados, this eerily feels like the "calm before the storm". My goal here is to be transparent, not portray hopelessness. These feelings are normal and affect most people in our scenario. I share them on the basis that they will help others know that what they are going through is common and help them not feel guilty or alienated. Trust me, God is in this, through this, under this, all around this. But it is a process of emotions that must be worked through. My goal is to journal as much as I can along this new journey, in order to help myself, preserve my memories, and most importantly to help others.

6 comments:

David and Sarah said...

I'm sorry to hear about the upcoming "D" word, but I will be praying for you all during this time. My husband just left this morning for his mobilization, so I totally sympathize and agree with all of this! It's perfectly said! Thank you so much for sharing!

Amy Hervey said...

Jenn, I found your blog a month or so ago when my husband and I decided that we felt God calling him to become an army chaplain. I appreciate all that you've blogged about. It has helped answer some of our questions about it all.

Enjoy your moments with your husband before he leaves! Aching for you, but I know that you both probably expected this.

Love your new blog photo header!

Jenn Raburn said...

Amy, Thanks for your comment. So glad the blog is still helping others. May God's blessings upon you and your family as you seek God's will on this journey to Chaplaincy. Write me anytime with questions/for info!
TheRaburns@nc.rr.com

~Jenn

Stephanie said...

I came across your blog in a google search. My husband is currently on his second 400 plus day deployment. I can relate to so many of your feelings.
Your husbands job is so important to other soldiers like my husband...he knows this and highly encourages his soldiers to attend service no matter where they are. The Chaplain always gets them through so much.

Julie Saint Clair Griffin said...

Awe! Reading your post brought me back to preparing for my husband's deployment. We're reaching our 1/2 way mark and it's been a challenging yet rewarding time for my husband as the Chaplain and for myself here holding down the fort! Prayin for ya! "It will be worth it all..."

Meredith said...

Hello! My name is Meredith Bonson. I would like to know if I could have permission to reprint this blog entry. I am representing the Protestant Women of the Chapel on Oahu and we have a regional conference coming up. I have the pleasure of putting together the information booklet that will be handed out. There will be an article highlighting the blogs of various military wives. I would copy one blog entry in it's entirety (excluding photos), and cite your blog address. I would be happy to email you a copy of the full article when it it done. Thank you for your encouraging words and may the Lord bless you!
You can reach me at meredeclares@gmail.com (It is not necessary to approve this comment for your blog page) :)